I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize