i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
