Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
