Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
