I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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