I feel like I'm in dance class right now
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
