Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
