Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
