true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize