I just threw up on my dentist
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
