Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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