i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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