Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
