The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
