I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
