Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
