Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
