so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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