i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
