I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I believe in your delicious
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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