Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize