Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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