i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I woke up under a house in Key West
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
