Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
