My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
