Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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