OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
