Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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