I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
