I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
