he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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