my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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