Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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