yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
