My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
