I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
