I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
