doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
