I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
