somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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