so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
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