Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she told me i tasted like america
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize