my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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