i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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