How'd it feel making her break her religion?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize