Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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