apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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