i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
