i don't plan on having that self control this summer
this just has baby written all over it
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
