Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
