Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
