yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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