If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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