So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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