I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
