i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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