Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
No I am not eating basil off your cock
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
