so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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