Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
