can u get pink eye on your cock?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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