Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
