you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize