i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
