I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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