Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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