just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
