You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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