You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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