Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
