trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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