So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
