I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
