i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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