come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
