we're chasing vodka with high fives
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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