Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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