dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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