I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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