I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
