I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You took a bar mat shot.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
