i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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