I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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