did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
