you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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