What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
one two three fourrrrnication!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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