My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
