"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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