I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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