My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she smelled like a LAN party
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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