Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
