Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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