I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
