Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
