Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
