i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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