I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
